All done

Fourteen months, one mastectomy with full lymph clearance, 27 intravenous infusions, 21 sessions of radiotherapy, 16 doses of targeted therapy, 36 self-administered injections, a bucket full of drugs and what feels like a thousand blood and covid tests later, I finally finished my treatment yesterday.

As my doctors promised, they really have thrown the kitchen sink at my cancer. Even the nurses in the chemo suite tease me about how heavy my record file is.

It’s been a really long and at times hideously hard haul. It has depleted me physically, mentally and emotionally, challenged relationships, and at times left me feeling broken.

But it has also in some perverse way been a deeply precious time. A time of self-reflection and learning. A time of healing some old wounds. A time of intense love. A time to reassess what is important in my life.

As well as all the trauma, there have undoubtedly been some priceless gifts in these months.

And I have been incredibly lucky. Lucky to have been able to complete treatment; lucky to have an otherwise strong body; lucky to have been surrounded by so much love and support going through this – from Rob, who has carried us all, my brilliant kids, and incredible family and friends; lucky to have had an understanding employer; lucky to have had a comfortable home to recuperate in; lucky to be surrounded by stunning, healing nature. Going through a cancer diagnosis and treatment makes you feel incredibly vulnerable, and I am very conscious that if any one of these things had been missing, my experience would have been very different.

I have no idea what the coming months or years will bring…nothing is certain, and I take nothing for granted. It is going to take me some time to really assimilate the experience of the past year, and learn how to move forwards. I know that my mind and body still have lot of healing and recuperation to do. I know too that there is work for me ahead in supporting my body to stay healthy (I’ll be returning to my anti-cancer framework for living in my next blog).

But for now, I feel relieved, deeply grateful and quietly hopeful for my future.

And that is a sweet, sweet feeling.

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